Happiness

Walden Farms, October 2012

*Originally posted November 1, 2012


I've been thinking a lot lately about happiness.  More specifically, I've been thinking about how I have felt happy so often lately.  That may seem odd, but it turns out I don't think I have felt truly happy in a long time until recently.  

Last night we took Sophie trick-or-treating for the first time, along with her older cousins.  She was a little unsure at first, but her cousins helped show her the ropes and soon she was all smiles.  I found myself smiling almost constantly, watching Sophie have so much fun and even eating a piece of candy.  

Last weekend, Sophie and I had a ridiculously fun Saturday.  I pushed her in the jogger for a run after breakfast, stopping at the horse barn at Ellington Ag Center to pet and "hut" (hug) the horses.  Then we headed to Monkey Joe's in Cool Springs, where Sophie had the time of her life jumping and running through obstacle courses and going down the big slides - all things she's too young to do, but has no fear.  I bargained with her that, if she took a nap, we could go see "amals" (animals) in the afternoon.  She agreed, and when she woke, we headed to Pumpkinfest in Franklin to meet several friends and their children where, thank goodness, I was able to live up to my promise as they had ponies to ride, a petting zoo and more.  

 Pumpkinfest, October 2012

Again, I smiled so much, my face hurt.  It was so fun watching her go down the big kid slide (20 feet tall!) over and over, then asking me if she could complete an obstacle course that the operator informed me was much too difficult for a little girl like Sophie.  I told him if she felt like she could do it, I would give her the opportunity to try.  And she did it!

Pajama Day, Halloween 2012

The thing is, I have battled anxiety for a while, although I didn't have a name for what it was I was feeling until recently.  It held me back from truly feeling joy, made me scared of things that I shouldn't have been and kept me from enjoying so many things about being the parent of an amazingly fun and smart and crazy toddler.  By addressing it and working on tackling it, I have rediscovered what it feels like to be happy.  And I don't want to miss out on another minute of that.